😈

Grown-ups only

This is the blunt version. It’s honest, a little cheeky, and pulls no punches about mess, money and commitment — but it’s never mean about the animals. Looking for the kind, kid-friendly guide instead?

Take me to the friendly guide instead

So you think you want a pet… 😈

The honest version. Pick your poison — we’ll tell you what it’s really like to live with. Blunt, but fair.

Said with love. Every animal on this page is wonderful. This roast isn’t about whether the pet is good enough for you — it’s about whether you’re ready for the pet. If it makes you laugh and think twice, it’s done its job.
Ready for the grown-up, no-jokes detail? → the full UK Pet Guide · glossary
Pets on the Green · honest pet advice, no sales pressure.
📅 Book now — meet us in person · petsonthegreen.com