Social Situation Cards

Staff sheet

For the adult, not the child. Do not read this out alongside the card — it gives the answer, and the thinking is the point. It prints on its own page.

1. Card 1 — “I don’t like you… just kidding.”
   “Just kidding” does not cancel what came before it. The hurt has already landed, and the joker’s laughter makes it harder to object.
2. Card 2 — “He never drank it.”
   A polite thank-you is not the same as wanting the thing. Watch what people do afterwards, not only what they say in the moment.
3. Card 3 — “nice.”
   A very short reply to a long message usually means low energy or distraction, not dislike. It is the most commonly over-read signal there is.
4. Card 4 — “Wow, it’s late.”
   This is a hint, not an observation about the time. It means “I would like this to end now” without saying so.
5. Card 5 — “That’s really good… for a first try.”
   A compliment with a qualifier on the end. The first half is praise, the second half takes it back — and the speaker may not realise they did it.
6. Card 6 — “I didn’t want to go anyway.”
   Said after being left out. It is protection, not a preference — disagreeing with it usually makes things worse than accepting it.
7. Card 7 — “I’m sorry I shouted, but you weren’t listening.”
   Anything after “but” replaces the apology. The sentence moves the fault across the room while sounding like an apology.
8. Card 8 — “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
   Repeating an apology is distress, not politeness. It usually means “I am frightened of what happens next.” Asking for one more apology makes it worse.
9. Card 9 — “It was my game.”
   Having your idea taken up is not the same as being included in it. This is a common and genuinely confusing kind of loss.
10. Card 10 — “They walked straight past.”
    Being walked past is not always a decision about you. People in conversation frequently do not see who is nearby.
11. Card 11 — “He said it’s fine, so it’s fine.”
    “I’m fine” is often a way to end a conversation, not a report. Taking it at face value is reasonable — and can still leave someone stuck.
12. Card 12 — “Read.”
    A read receipt with no reply is the single most over-interpreted thing on a phone. It carries almost no information about what the other person thinks.
13. Card 13 — “They’re laughing.”
    Laughter nearby is not evidence that it is about you — but it very reliably feels as though it is.
14. Card 14 — “The bit in the middle.”
    Repair is rarely a conversation. Most of it is the ordinary quiet time in between, and it is easy to miss that it happened at all.
15. Card 15 — “Everyone else finds this easy.”
    The comparison is with other people’s outsides. Everyone in the room is carrying something you cannot see.
16. Card 16 — “He’s staring at me.”
    Gaze is ambiguous. It can mean interest, worry, distraction or nothing at all, and reading it as hostility is a common and costly error.
17. Card 17 — “I went on too long.”
    The worry arrives after the conversation, not during it. Being enthusiastic at length is not the social failure it feels like afterwards.
18. Card 18 — “One sec.”
    “One sec” is almost never one second. It means “not now”, and the gap between the words and the meaning is the whole difficulty.
19. Card 19 — “The bowling alley’s shut.”
    A plan collapsing is not a social rejection, though it can feel identical — especially when you were the one looking forward to it most.
20. Card 20 — “It was a good night.”
    Enjoying something and being exhausted by it are not contradictory. The tiredness afterwards does not mean you did not want to be there.
21. Card 21 — “The card with the cross on it.”
    When a child is overloaded, adding a choice — even a visual one — is another demand. The cards work before the overload, not during it.
22. Card 22 — “Everyone’s doing it.”
    “Everyone” is rarely everyone, and the pressure of it is real whether or not the claim is true.
23. Card 23 — “I know what I need to do.”
    Knowing the task and being able to start it are different problems. Being told the task again does not help; starting somewhere very small does.
24. Card 24 — “Sorry — I’ll forget it.”
    Interrupting to hold on to a thought is usually memory pressure, not rudeness. Saying so out loud helps more than apologising for it.
25. Card 25 — “I want to help but I don’t know how.”
    Not knowing what to offer stops most people helping at all. Sitting nearby and saying nothing is a real option and often the right one.
26. Card 26 — “No thank you.”
    A refused hug is not a rejection of the person. “No thank you” is a complete answer and does not need a reason.
27. Card 27 — “He didn’t ask for it.”
    Noticing is a separate skill from helping, and a quieter one. Most people who need something never get round to asking for it.
28. Card 28 — “I’ll just get it down.”
    Fear usually comes out sounding like anger. If somebody shouts at you while you are doing something risky, work out which one it is before you argue back.
29. Card 29 — “It’s too big for one.”
    Some jobs make friends out of people who were only standing near each other. Needing someone is not the same as owing them.
30. Card 30 — “It was his fault.”
    Blame moves a feeling from one child to another. It never gets rid of it, and it has never once changed a score.
31. Card 31 — “She found my hat.”
    Two people can be delighted in the same second for completely different reasons. It is worth thanking the person as well as grabbing the thing.
32. Card 32 — “Do you want half?”
    A real offer leaves the other person free to say no. If refusing would cause trouble, it was never an offer in the first place.
33. Card 33 — “You’ll be fine.”
    Reassurance argues with the feeling. Company sits down next to it. The second one tends to work better.
34. Card 34 — “I was only looking.”
    Two completely different “no”s can sound the same. One is about sweets before tea. The other is about a glass jar landing on a tiled floor.
35. Card 35 — “I don’t want to.”
    Trust is built out of time and experience, not information. Nobody has ever been talked into feeling safe.
36. Card 36 — “How do I get in?”
    Being left out and not being noticed look exactly the same from the edge of a court. The only way to find out which one it is, is to ask.
37. Card 37 — “It’s just funny.”
    A laugh that wasn’t meant unkindly still lands unkindly. What he does in the ten seconds afterwards is the part that counts.
38. Card 38 — “Mine’s just a card.”
    Comparing is something you do to yourself. Nobody else in this picture is doing it to her.
39. Card 39 — “Everyone’s crowding round his.”
    Jealousy is usually admiration with nowhere to put itself. The model did not get any worse when the crowd moved across the room.
40. Card 40 — “A lady offered us sweets.”
    Adults who genuinely need help ask other adults. A grown-up asking a child for anything — help, company, a secret, a minute of their time — is the signal, whatever they happen to be holding.
41. Card 41 — “They’re holding it away.”
    Teasing and playing look identical for the first few seconds. The test is simple: is the person on the other end of it laughing?
42. Card 42 — “I was only messing about.”
    “I was only messing about” explains what he meant. It doesn’t go anywhere near what actually happened.
43. Card 43 — “But I want it.”
    A want that big genuinely feels like a need. It does shrink on its own, which is impossible to believe while you are inside it.
44. Card 44 — “We were only helping.”
    Meaning well and being safe are two separate tests. This passes the first one comfortably and fails the second.
45. Card 45 — “He did it.”
    Two pointing fingers, and nobody sweeping anything up. Whoever says “it was me” first usually ends the entire thing.
46. Card 46 — “It’s only mud.”
    One event, two completely different feelings, and neither child is wrong. The one who is laughing is usually the one who has to notice.
47. Card 47 — “She made her a picture.”
    Doing a kind thing where people can see costs more than doing it privately. The whispering behind her doesn’t make the picture any less kind.
48. Card 48 — “I’m not eating that.”
    “I’m not eating that” closes the conversation. “I don’t like the tomatoes” opens one. Same no, very different amount of information.

Written for staff and parents supporting autistic and other neurodivergent children. It describes common patterns, not any individual child, and is not a diagnostic tool.