For the adult · England & Wales
How to ask a young person directly, what to do with the answer, and who to call. Written for the person who has to have the conversation.
Pets on the Green · reviewed September 2026
If someone is in immediate danger right now — call 999.
Otherwise, any of these will talk to you or to them, today:
Most people worry that asking about suicide will put the idea into someone’s head. It does not. Asking directly is one of the few things that reliably helps — it tells the person the subject is not forbidden, and that you can hear the answer without falling apart.
If you are reading this because you are already worried about a specific child, you do not need to finish the page first. Ask them today.
Ask plainly, using the word. Euphemisms give people room to say they are fine.
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
“Sometimes when people feel like this, they think about ending their life. Is that happening for you?”
Pick a moment side by side rather than face to face — walking, in the car, feeding an animal, washing up. Less eye contact makes hard sentences easier to say. It is the reason so much of this work happens with a rabbit on someone’s lap.
Then stop talking. Leave the silence. The pause before the answer is usually where the answer is.
If they say yes, your only job in that moment is to stay in the conversation. Not to solve it, not to correct it, not to talk them out of it.
Do not promise to keep it secret. You cannot, and you should not. Say so early and honestly: “I’m not going to keep this to myself, because I’m not willing to carry it alone and neither should you. I will tell you who I’m telling and why.” Being told who will know, and being included in that, is very different from being informed on.
Suicidal crisis is usually not a steady state — it comes in waves, and the gap between deciding and acting can be very short. Putting distance between a person and the means is one of the most effective things anyone can do.
None of this is a substitute for help. It buys time, and time is often what is needed.
Now, 999 — they have seriously harmed themselves, or you believe they are about to.
Today, NHS 111 — a plan and the means, but not immediate. Ask for the urgent mental health route.
Today, the GP — thoughts without a plan. Ask for an urgent appointment and say the word suicide; it changes how the request is triaged.
Today, the school DSL — if the child is of school age. They have duties here and access to routes you do not.
If you are a practitioner rather than a parent, tell the parents unless doing so would put the child at greater risk — and if you believe it would, that is a safeguarding referral, not a decision to sit on.
Keep going back. One conversation is not a resolution, and the days after a disclosure are when people most often assume the subject is closed.
Write down what was said, when, and what you did. Not for bureaucracy — because you will be asked, and because in a fortnight you will not remember accurately.
And get your own support. Holding this is heavy, and Samaritans will talk to you about someone else on the same number.
What this is not. This is a guide for an ordinary adult having a hard conversation. It is not clinical training, not a risk assessment tool, and not a substitute for a mental health professional. PawSteps does not provide crisis care. If you need a decision made about someone’s safety, the numbers above reach people qualified to make it.
Pets on the Green Ltd · Warlingham, Surrey. Written for parents, carers, childminders and practitioners. Contact details checked against Samaritans, Shout and NHS in September 2026.