A gentle guide to seeing the child beneath the behaviour — and helping them feel safe.
PawSteps by Pets on the Green · A wellbeing resource, not clinical treatment
Why loving parents can accidentally keep anxiety going.
When our child is anxious, love makes us want to fix it. So we naturally:
These are acts of love, not failures. But here's the quiet catch: each one tells anxiety it was right to sound the alarm — so the alarm grows louder next time.
Think of anxiety like fog.
Your child is standing in it, and we keep calling instructions into the fog. But the more we talk to the fog, the thicker it gets. What helps is getting underneath the fog — reaching the child, not the anxiety.
So how do we get underneath the fog and find our child again? We slow down and put on our PAWS — Gary the hedgehog's four gentle steps.
Not just worry…
All of these can be the face of childhood anxiety. The behaviour on the outside rarely matches the feeling on the inside.
Behaviour is how children communicate when they don't yet have the words for what's happening inside.
Instead of asking "How do I stop this behaviour?" try asking "What might this behaviour be trying to tell me?"
Perhaps beneath the behaviour is…
More often than not, it isn't your child giving you a hard time — it's your child having a hard time.
Short-term: "I feel better."
Long-term: "I need reassurance every single time."
No judgement — we've all done it, because we love our children. But repeated reassurance quietly tells anxiety "see, you can't manage without me" — and it tightens its grip. Watch how anxiety twists even kind words:
| You say… | Anxiety hears… |
|---|---|
| "You'll be fine." | "Why would they say that? Maybe I won't be fine." |
| "There's nothing to worry about." | "There's definitely something to worry about." |
| "Your teacher will look after you." | "How do they know the teacher will?" |
Thinking about what we say and how we say it helps us reassure a little less and support a little more.
Teach curiosity, not certainty.
Instead of "Don't worry," try:
Think "drop a pebble" rather than firing lots of questions. Think "say less" rather than over-explaining. A calm, curious question opens a door that reassurance quietly closes.
Gently facing worries, in small supported steps, teaches the brain they're safe — and turns the alarm down over time.
Parents don't remove anxiety. They help children discover that they can cope with it.
When anxiety shows up, your child doesn't need a parent with all the answers. They need a parent who becomes:
You don't need to be perfect. You simply need to keep showing up with understanding. Remember: Pause. Ask. Watch. Support.
For one week, don't try to solve. Just notice. Jot down:
This is educational support, not therapy. If anxiety is affecting daily life, please speak to your GP; you can also reach the Samaritans on 116 123, or the parents' service at Young Minds.