PawSteps — SEN Guide · Chapter 14: Everyday Challenges

Some of the hardest parts of SEND life happen at home — getting out of the door, mealtimes and bedtime. These aren't "behaviour problems" to be won; they're usually anxiety, sensory needs or a nervous system under strain. Small, kind, consistent changes help far more than pressure.

School refusal (EBSA)

When a child can't face school, it's usually emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA) — anxiety, not defiance. Pushing harder rarely works; a calm, team-based, gradual approach does.

Listen for the trigger. Friendships, a noisy corridor, a specific lesson, unstructured times — knowing the "why" shapes the plan.
Work with the school. Ask the pastoral team or SENCo for a support plan: a key adult who meets them at the door, a designated safe space, flexible drop-offs.
Reduce the pressure. A phased return can help — part-time at first, preferred lessons only, or quiet visits to the grounds before building up.
Validate and reassure. Acknowledge the feelings are real while gently keeping school part of the plan, so avoidance doesn't quietly grow.
Get professional help. If anxiety persists, ask your GP about support such as CBT, and explore EBSA guides from Young Minds and Not Fine in School.

📌 Attendance and anxiety can get tangled up with the school and local authority. Chapters 1 and 4 cover your rights (including education when a child can't attend), and PawSteps can help you approach the school.

️Eating & food sensitivities

Sensory food refusal is real and often distressing. For some children it becomes ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). The aim at home is to lower anxiety around food, not to force it.

Rule out the medical side first. See your GP to check for underlying issues, and get advice if eating is very restricted.
Take the pressure off. Avoid forcing, hiding foods in meals, or big rewards — these tend to deepen aversion.
Safe explorations. Let them smell, touch, lick or play with a new food with no pressure to eat it, to gently desensitise.
Match texture and temperature. Introduce new foods that are close to a current "safe" food (e.g. if they like crunchy, try another crunchy option).
Protect the safe foods. Keep offering them — a shrinking "safe list" is a sign to seek more support.

⚠️ If your child's eating is severely restricted, causing weight loss, or you're worried about their health, speak to your GP. The UK eating-disorder charity Beat has helpful ARFID information and a helpline.

Sleep

Many neurodivergent children find sleep hard — from winding down to staying asleep. A predictable, sensory-friendly routine makes the biggest difference.

A calm wind-down. A predictable ~45-minute routine: lower the lights, quiet activities, and the same steps each night.
Sensory helpers. White noise to mask sounds, a weighted blanket for deep-pressure calm, and low, warm lighting.
Daylight & movement. Time outside and physical activity in the day help set the body clock and natural melatonin.
Bedroom = sleep. Keep the bedroom linked mostly with rest, so it feels calm and predictable.
Gradual fading for separation. If they need you nearby, sit close, then move a little further away each night.

🐾 If your child is prescribed melatonin, that's a decision for your GP or paediatrician — always follow their guidance.

⚠️ General information and support for parents, not medical advice. For persistent difficulties with attendance, eating or sleep, speak to your GP or your child's health team. In a crisis, contact your GP, NHS 111, or the Samaritans on 116 123.