Understanding how a neurodivergent brain works — and the language around it — makes you a calmer, more confident advocate. This chapter is a friendly overview, not a diagnostic tool.
The words, and why they matter
Neurodiversity — a fact about all of humanity: every brain is wired a little differently. A single person can't be "neurodiverse" (just as one person can't be a "diverse group").
Neurodivergent (ND) — an individual whose brain works, processes or learns differently from what society treats as "typical" (for example autistic people, ADHDers and dyslexic people).
Neurotypical (NT) — an individual whose processing broadly matches the dominant societal standard.
The social model of disability — the idea that a person is disabled less by their condition and more by a world that doesn't accommodate their sensory, social and processing differences.
The main forms of neurodivergence
Rarely "pure" — most people have a "spiky profile" (brilliant at some things, real difficulty with others), and conditions often overlap.
- Autism (ASC/ASD): a need for predictability, a distinctive communication style, passionate interests, and a particular sensory profile.
- ADHD: differences in the brain's interest/dopamine system affecting executive function, working memory, emotional regulation and impulse control — not a lack of attention, but difficulty regulating where it goes.
- AuDHD: being both autistic and ADHD — the autistic drive for routine and calm pulling against the ADHD drive for novelty and stimulation.
- Dyslexia: a difference in processing sounds in words, affecting reading, spelling, quick word retrieval and working memory.
- Dyspraxia (DCD): affects coordination, balance, spatial awareness and fine motor skills.
- Dyscalculia: affects grasping numbers, maths symbols and the concept of time.
- Tourette's & tics: involuntary, repetitive movements or sounds.
Hidden profiles: PDA, masking & burnout
PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance / a Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) — a nervous-system response where everyday requests can feel like a threat. Rewards, punishments and strict boundaries tend to backfire; a low-demand, collaborative, trust-based approach works far better.
Masking / camouflaging — suppressing natural traits (forcing eye contact, scripting conversations, hiding stims) to appear neurotypical. It takes enormous energy and is a major driver of anxiety, low mood and loss of identity.
Autistic / ADHD burnout — total physical, mental and emotional collapse from long-term masking, sensory overload and an unaccommodating world. Signs include losing skills (even speech), heightened sensory sensitivity and withdrawal. Recovery needs real rest and reduced demands, not standard "push through" advice.
Sensory processing: eight senses, not five
Each system can be over-responsive (hypersensitive) or under-responsive (hyposensitive):
- Auditory (sound), Visual (light, pattern, clutter), Smell & taste (often behind restrictive eating), Touch (e.g. pain from clothing tags).
- Vestibular (balance) — may crave spinning or swinging to feel grounded.
- Proprioception (body awareness) — weak awareness leads to "clumsiness" or a need for deep pressure like weighted blankets.
- Interoception (internal signals) — difficulty reading hunger, thirst, needing the loo, or rising anxiety until it becomes overwhelming.
⚡Executive function & RSD
Executive dysfunction — difficulty with starting tasks (even wanted ones — not laziness), working memory (forgetting a just-given instruction), and time blindness (time feels like only "now" or "not now").
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) — intense emotional pain from real or perceived rejection, criticism or failure; closely linked with ADHD.
️Communication — a different framework
- The double empathy problem: autistic people aren't lacking empathy — misunderstanding happens between ND and NT people because they use different social "languages".
- Infodumping as affection: sharing lots of detail about a special interest is a sign of trust and connection.
- Parallel play: being together doing separate things, in comfortable silence, is deeply regulating.
- Literal language: hints and subtext are often missed — say exactly what you mean ("please put these three books on the shelf by 4pm").
- Monotropism: attention pours into one "interest tunnel"; being pulled out suddenly can trigger real distress.
- Alexithymia: difficulty identifying or naming one's own emotions.
Body & brain: common overlaps
Neurodivergence is a whole-body experience, and some physical conditions overlap often:
- Hypermobility / Ehlers-Danlos (EDS): very flexible joints, chronic pain and frequent injuries.
- Dysautonomia / PoTS: dizziness on standing, fatigue, brain fog and an erratic heartbeat (sometimes mistaken for panic attacks).
- Gastrointestinal issues: chronic gut problems and food intolerances are common.
💛 These overlaps are general information, not a diagnosis. Always speak to a GP or specialist about physical health concerns.
️The everyday ND toolkit
- Body doubling: having someone nearby (or on a call) doing their own thing helps get a hard task started.
- AAC (Augmentative & Alternative Communication): picture cards or text-to-speech for times when speech isn't available (e.g. during overload).
- Low-demand living: temporarily stripping back non-essential expectations to let a burned-out nervous system recover.
- Protect stimming: rocking, hand-flapping, pacing and fidget tools are healthy ways to self-regulate — never stop them.
⚖️Neurodivergence & the law
Many neurodivergent people meet the Equality Act 2010 definition of disability, which brings real protections — including the duty on schools, employers and services to make reasonable adjustments (see Chapters 1 & 6). Examples: ear defenders, quiet spaces, written instructions, flexible timings, or a practical task instead of a standard interview.
Quick action checklist
- Audit the environment for sensory triggers (loud clocks, harsh lighting, clutter) and reduce them.
- Switch to explicit language — swap hints and sarcasm for clear, specific instructions.
- Protect self-regulation — let stimming and fidgeting happen; they help the nervous system cope.